character strength and virtue
parenting article

Teach the truth about modesty

A style of our own

By Judith Rasband
Church News contributor

1.Teach that we realize dress and grooming are highly personal, emotional, even controversial topics.


2.Teach that we are God's masterworks.


3.Teach that it was God who clothed us in the first place. With coats of skins, He made clothing an integral part of our appearance or image. He expects us to stay dressed — modestly dressed — as a protection to us and in a manner functional for our environment, in harmony with our culture, roles and goals. Immodesty is disappointing, disrespectful, and disobedient to God. (See Genesis 3:21; see also "To Clothe A Temple," by John S. Tanner, Ensign, August 1992.)

4.Teach that all things are spiritual — even our dress and grooming.

5.Teach that God expects us to take care of our body and our clothes.


6.Teach that our clothing and grooming affect each of us at all ages — whether we want to admit it or not.

7.Teach that we are living in a time of image ignorance and arrogance. Much of what used to be taught in the home and school about dress and grooming is now absent. We now have people taking pride in not taking care of themselves, and pridefully ridiculing those who do. The glory of God is intelligence. We are smart to develop image intelligence — to gain light and knowledge even about dress and grooming. This knowledge allows us to better choose among the many fashion options available to us according to our needs, values, personality, roles and goals — rather than what is simply right or wrong, easy, trendy, cool, edgy or sexy. This is a finer discrimination. There is no honor, glory or virtue in choosing to remain ignorant or arrogant about dress and grooming — about self presentation. It is only when we are modest in thought, word and deed, free of pride and arrogance, that the mighty change in our countenance occurs. (See Doctrine and Covenants 130:18-19; Isaiah 41:29, 44:17.)

8.Teach that we are living in a time of mass casualization and deconstruction in manners, morals, speech, literature, music, home furnishing, clothing, grooming and more.

9.Teach that we cannot NOT communicate. Even from a distance and long before we speak, we communicate much about ourselves. Our dress and grooming create a silent language made up of semiotic symbols, cues or clues that speak loud and clear. It is true that, "Man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." When we have a choice, however, it's what's on the inside that determines how we dress and groom the outside, thus reflecting the condition of our heart and mind. Even then, it's not only what we wear, but how we wear it that communicates our degree of modesty. (See "Be Loyal to the Royal Within You," a talk by President Harold B. Lee, BYU, Sept. 11, 1973.)

10.Teach that the communicators in dress and grooming are the elements of design — the style lines and shapes, colors, textures and patterns present in the design of the clothing.

11.Teach that attention always goes to the point of contrast— contrast in style lines and shapes, colors, textures and patterns. For example, body bareness and tight-fitting clothes attract and provoke undue attention to the contrasting contours of the body. Underwear of a contrasting color showing through clothing, showing above low-riding pants, or hanging below a shirt draws undue attention to the underwear.

12.Teach that clothing and grooming set the boundaries or limits for social interaction or involvement with others — in the home, school, church, community, as well as in the workplace.

13.Teach that in dressing to look like a stereotypical "Hottie" or "cool and edgy," we can expect to be seen and treated as such.

14.Teach that it is one thing to dress in stained, faded, torn, or frayed clothing because it's what we HAVE to wear, and quite another if it's because it's what we CHOOSE to wear.

15.Teach that we don't have to dress like everyone else to fit in. At the same time, teach that everybody else doesn't have to dress like us for us to be nice to them. Yes, research supports the fact that we tend to be more comfortable and associate with others who dress like we do. This has to do with our own insecurities. The sooner we recognize we don't have to dress like everyone else, the sooner we recognize we don't have to behave like everyone else. While we need to stand and walk tall — strong in our commitment to a modest style of our own — we also need to accept and be nice to others who reflect diversity in dress and grooming. (See "FYI: For Your Info, I Just Don't Fit In," New Era, June 1997, p. 34.)

16.Teach that fashion fads and trends are the result of calculated efforts to intimidate us into spending our money, as if wearing the latest trend were socially crucial.

17.Teach that we can manage our wardrobe wisely and still have fun with fashion.

18.Teach the use of our clothing and grooming aids as a resource in provident living — tools we can rely on to help us meet our needs and achieve our worthy goals, both earthly and eternal.

19.Teach that the time is now for God's covenant people to raise the bar and stand for higher standards in dress and grooming — time to stand and walk tall as an influence for good and having the knowledge and courage to appear neatly groomed, attractively and modestly dressed, in harmony with eternal values. This is a challenge, living in the world but not being of the world. Without apology or shame, we need to look like we're on the Lord's side. Image integrity is simply a matter of looking like who we say we are. (See Doctrine and Covenants 115:5 and "Teaching Modesty," a talk by Judith Rasband at Families Under Fire, BYU, Oct. 4, 2005.)


20.Teach by example. As adults, we, too, must practice image management more consciously and effectively in our daily lives, by evaluating and controlling the effects of our dress and grooming on ourselves and others, and on the achievement of our goals. We need to talk freely about our efforts to appear modest and create harmony in our appearance, in ways consistent as a follower of Christ. We must remind even ourselves that "when Christ comes again, the members of His Church must look and act like members of His Church are supposed to look and act. We must be doing His work and we must be living His teachings. He must recognize us quickly and easily as truly being His disciples." (See "Terror, Triumph, and a Wedding Feast," a talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, CES Fireside for Young Adults, Sept. 12, 2004.)

• Judith Rasband is a wife, mother, grandmother, and director of the Conselle Institute of Image Management.

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