Family Values
How to Keep Harmony at HomeGet the best of an argument
There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid jealous rattlesnakes and earthquakes. You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes. Perhaps you zealously prove that he is non compos mentis and that you are an expert. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior and you have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And a man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.
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Family CouncilsThere is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid jealous rattlesnakes and earthquakes. You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes. Perhaps you zealously prove that he is non compos mentis and that you are an expert. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior and you have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And a man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.
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One of the best tools we have as parents is the family council. I cannot emphasize enough its importance in helping to understand and address challenges in the family. When members of one family began to feel unusual contention invading their home, they called a family council to discuss the situation. The father and then the mother explained to their children what they had observed and asked how each felt about it. The mother and father learned that since their two oldest children had left home, one to be married and one to go to college, an unfair burden of reponsibility had been unwittingly shifted to the two oldest children remaining at home, and they were becoming resentful. By counseling together and listening to what their children were feeling, the family made a more equitable distribution of responsibility among the children, resolving much of the frustration and tension in the home. (M. Russell Ballard)
